“…so we’re asking our Storybloggers to tell us about one of their family members. What is their most angelic trait, the nicest thing they’ve done for you? And what is their worst habit – the one which drives you round the twist – and how about The Incident – the one which made you pull your hair out and fume furiously?”
I feel the pressure of being the first person to respond to a new question on this group blog. ‘Will I get it right?’ I ask myself. ‘Am I about to go off on a complete tangent?’ Usually at this point I shout ‘la la la’ in my head to stop myself thinking about the fact that everyone who follows is a better, more experienced writer.
So imagine my horror at this month’s subject. I’m really sorry but I can’t start drawing up tallies of things my family do that I find irritating. They have much longer lists about me, all front of mind. And picture my embarrassment when I learn that no one else has an incident involving Great Uncle Albert, a stuffed weasel and a catering tub of Marmite.
I wondered, therefore, if perhaps I could tell you about the things I do that drive people round the twist. Because now I think about it this one’s easy. I don’t know about you but I can rattle off a top ten of character flaws that annoy my family. They spring to mind instantly and I could probably go on for hours. But I won’t, because that would be quite irritating too I imagine. No need for you to suffer as well as them.
Things about me that would have you gnashing your teeth within a mere couple of decades:
I always pause before speaking on the phone, even when I’m the one who’s calling (that one’s for you Caroline)
I gap out quite a lot
I still don’t know how to put a bin liner in the bin without it falling to the bottom and therefore creating a mess
I say ‘um’ frequently
I have a violent dislike of people reading my magazines before me
I am not capable of having a bath that takes less than an hour
I usually turn up to formal occasions wearing inappropriately scruffy clothes
If it’s not a formal occasion I arrive wearing clothes that are not warm enough and then am surprised because I’m cold
I’m always late. This too is always a surprise
I’m an incompetent packer. I once arrived for a weekend away with no knickers, no socks, no deodorant, no toothbrush, no shampoo and no trousers (which is a bad combination with no knickers).
Do you know what? I’ve just shown this to my husband and he’s now sat on the sofa reeling off dozens more. Thank god I didn’t post this question on Facebook. It would break under the strain. Until next time dear DFB blog readers. I will be late (possibly due to getting stuck in the bath) and quite probably dressed in an inappropriate manner. Let’s just all hope I’m not doing the packing.